THINGS I WILL NOT DO AT HOGWARTS: (Anonymous Email Source from an unidentified website but sent to us from "The Mermaid Princess" 

-It is not necessary to yell ‘POOF!’ every time I Apparate.

-I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write ‘I told you I was hardcore’.

-It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed, and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the results would be.

-Asking ‘How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?’ and walking away is only funny the first time.

-Any resemblance between Dementors and Nargles is coincidental.

-I am not allowed to declare an official Hug-A-Slytherin day.

-I will not charm the suits of armor to perform a rendition of ‘Knights at the Round Table’ for the Christmas feast.

-The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

-I will not wear my ‘DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT!’ shirt to school.

-Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor is tasteless and tacky, not a good money-making concept.

-Seamus Finnegan is not ‘after me lucky charms’.

-I am allowed to have a cat, rat, owl, or toad. I am NOT allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

-42 is not the answer to every question in the OWL’s.

-I will not claim my X-files tapes are ‘Auror training videos’.

-I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball.

-I will not tell the first years that they should build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow.

-My name is not ‘Dark Lord Happy Pants’. I cannot sign my papers as such.

-I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

-I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

-I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

-Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying ‘the library is closed for an indefinite period’ amusing in any sense.

-If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling ‘It does DEATH!’ may be correct, but is not the manner in which one should answer.

-I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

-First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

-I will not bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divintation class.

-I will refrain from calling the Weasley twins ‘Merry and Pippin’. I will also refrain from calling Harry and Ron ‘Frodo and Sam’. It probably isn’t smart to call Draco ‘Legolas’, either.

-I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

-If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not to perform it.

-I will not steal Gryffindor’s Sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.

-There is not, nor has there ever been, a fifth house. I am not in it. I am also not its founder.

-I do not weigh the same as a duck.

-I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

-I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance in to a classroom.

-I will not follow my potions instructions in reverse just to see what happens.

-I will not thrust my wand into the air before casting spells yelling ‘I have the power!’

-When fighting Death Eaters in the final battle, I will not thrust my wand skyward and yell ‘there can only be ONE!’

-Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.

-I will not sing ‘We’re off to See the Wizard’ when going to see Dumbledore.

-I will not attempt to magically animate my Marshmallow Peeps.

-Bringing fortune cookies to Divintation does not count as extra credit.

-I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.

-I am not allowed to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

-I am not allowed to refer to the Accio charm as ‘The Force’.

-It’s a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

-‘To conquer the world with an army of flying monkeys’ is not an appropriate career choice.

-I am not an Animagus sloth.

-I will not say ‘Dude, get a life!’ to Voldemort.

-Lupin does not want a flea collar.

-I will not try to take out life insurance on Harry Potter.

-I will not lick Neville Longbottom’s Toad.

-I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during the Arithmancy exams.

-No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures.

-If a classmate falls asleep, I am not to take advantage of their slumber and draw a dark mark on their arm.

-I will not put books of Muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

-I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

-I will not use ickle firsties as Christmas ornaments.

-Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play to the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

-When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I will not wave my hand and say ‘These are not the droids you are looking for’.

-Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is ‘Headmaster’, not ‘My Liege’.

-I will not tell the first year students that Professor Snape is the voice of God.

-It is inappropriate to put sample bottles of Selsom Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.

-I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak in lemon juice to see if he turns visible while standing near the fire in the Common Room.

-I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesized her death.

-I will not attempt to recreate the Key of Time in Transfiguration Class.

-I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

-I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchey as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup.

-I will not make sock puppets of the Slytherin mascot.

-I will not yell ‘Believe it… or not’ after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.

-I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.

-I will not start of Herbology class by singing the theme song of ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’.

-I will stop asking Professor Snape when we will learn to make ‘Love Potion Number Nine’.

-I will not perform Potter Puppet Pals in front of all of the Great Hall, no matter how enjoyable ‘The Mysterious Ticking Noise’ is.

-House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

-I will not greet Professor McGonagall with ‘What’s new, pussycat?’